My thoughts turn to all of the wonderful people I have met during this time, and yes, that means You!
Some years more than others bring things into my life. The years I had my children are perfect examples of new love and life being welcomed. But then there are other types "bringing in"
Over the course of the last year, I began to bring my own truth into my life.
Each of us will pursue this in different ways, some of us are born running, and others take their 20's (and even 30's!) to figure out who and what they are and want in and from life.
Mind you, its been a bumpy road for some people around me. Some have been blatantly rude and extremely nasty with regard to my pursuit of "what makes me happy"
Quite frankly, it was an astonishing example of just how unhappy (and obnoxious!) they are in their own lives, rather than a true reflection of who I am and what I am doing.
You see, change really scares the hell out of some folks.
When these people see me (or anyone) making positive changes in our lives, the instant reaction is to fight for things to remain the same. Not because things were so wonderful the way they were, but because it is safe, known and expected.
So you must be thinking..."what kind of changes have she made to freak people out?!"
Nothing so dramatic really.
I was not being listened to. And, I ignored my own needs.
Sure, I told, asked, begged and pleaded to be heard.
But why would anyone answer when I had let them get away with it for so long!
I let them ignore me. I let them walk all over me. I allowed myself to be ignored at a most fundamental level.
I continued to give, I continued to care for, and nurture, and love, those who did not have any intention of seeing me or my potential into the future.
The biggest change in my life has been to realise that I am a valuable member of the human community.
Sounds so basic its almost laughable right?
Wrong.
I have run departments and worked hard all my life.
I have degrees and higher qualifications.
I know I am an asset to whomever might employ me.
I kick ass in the work world!
But does that sense of accomplishment, respect and value translate into relationships??
Many times (for women and men) it does not.
The one thing that drives me forward, is to be better tomorrow than I am today.
When I began writing, some people (who are close to me btw) had little to say about the fact.
They looked at me as if it was a fad or a phase or an annoying thing that I did in my (rare) quiet time.
As things progressed, one particularly aggressive person actually attacked me! Not physically, although I'm sure she is capable. But with a very nasty temper tantrum of utterly unfiltered venom.
What did she have to say.
Well, I was this and that, but mostly I was selfish!! Selfish!! (I still laugh out loud at that!!)
I was taking time away from others in my family!!
(In reality I was not. I write once my daily work is done and the kids are in bed. But hey, doing something for myself is taking from others! Spoiled!!)
The most stunning part of this attack was that
1. she felt so arrogantly self entitled that she felt she had the right to come into MY home and spit venom at me
2.she clearly felt threatened by my intelligence and pursuit of new paths.
3.she viewed me though her own prejudice and not as who I am.
4.she had done the same thing to other people over the years (and lost them as friends) and still hadn't learned her lesson!!
5. Her spite and nastiness toward me, actually has nothing to do with me, and everything to do with her own epic lack of insight.
So what does all this mean?
In essence. Some people do not cope with change. At all.
My transformation has been one of an inward nature.
For example...
What do I want from life?
What do I want in love?
What makes me happy?
How can I be a better person?
How do I acknowledge my own truths in a productive and loving way?
Mostly though, and very importantly, I had the wonderful realisation that I am not responsible for the happiness or lack thereof, of others!!
This is a life changing event unto itself.
Have any of you ever had someone say one, some or all of the following...
You made me do/say ------ because you did/did not ------
Its your fault because ----------
You are a bad person because you did not do ------------
Notice how each one of the above puts the emphasis on YOU??
Being held to ransom in life is not fun, and in reality, not even necessary.
The greatest joy I have come to realise in the past 12 months, is that when I am happy, those around me are happy too. Everyone in my little family has their own hobbies and joys that they pursue. We are individuals and members of a close knit clan.
Those people who try to tear us down and inject their spite amongst us are simply no longer welcome.
They will need to consider their own happiness within themselves, and cease the futile expectation that others must somehow provide it to them on a platter (and woe betide those who don't!)
So as I move forward with my life, I do so knowing that I have given greatly to those around me in the past.
I have endured many difficult, personally insulting and often publicly humiliating times at the hands of those who have no regard for me or my children (or their father)
I choose to leave it all behind.
I choose myself.
I choose love.
I choose happiness.
I choose joy.
I choose ease.
Love is the greatest essence in the universe.
The concept of love can not be explained.
It can only be felt and shared.
My change over the past twelve months and been to truly love the person I am now, in this very moment.
That is the best change anyone can ever give to themselves and to those around them who support and nurture the same.
So to each of you in G+ land, I thank you.
You have been an integral part of my inner journey of discovery of self.
You have supported my blog and my thoughts, and supported me through some very difficult times over the past 12 months.
You have embraced me as a member of the wonderful G+ community at large.
You have been with me on my journey. And I remain part of yours too.
I look forward to sharing this year with you.
Connect with Katherine on Google+
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